god!!!do i have to??

when i was at primary school, i must've been about 6, i remember vividly standing in the dinner queue trying to guess how old the dinner lady who served us was.
i looked her up and down with her hairy top lip and even hairier legs making themselves known under thick flesh coloured tights and reasoned in my little brain that she must be at least 15!!
my friend told me i was crazy and she must be at least 21 cos she looked sooooo ooooold.
this amazed me: "21???wow!! when you get to 21 you're so old, you might as well kill yourself!!!!'
that is actually, truthfully, what i said. what can i say? i was a morbid kid.

now i'm 31. thats one year over 30 and 2 years out of my 20's.
even typing that feels incredibly strange. i'll be honest. i still feel 14 and think and act accordingly.
in my head, it's everyone elses fault not mine. i don't feel that i should have to make the effort with anything and everything should just occur and just fall at my feet.
i actually say things to the bear like "god!!!do i haaaave toooooo? but i...don't...wanna!!"
i resent doing the washing up, clothes washing, cleaning the bathroom....if i can get away with not hoovering for 6 months i will and my absolute pet hate is hanging clothes up. if i didn't live with the bear than i would just have clothes dumped on the floor in piles.
i consider this to be a product of my own raging laziness and my mothers patience.
when i was a student living away from home in nottingham i suddenly developed a very deep respect for my little ma. i couldn't cook, i could't use the washing machine and it suddenly hit me that she had been doing all these things for me and my brothers our whole lives, all by herself.
i mean, where did she get the energy? i couldn't even get out of bed, dressed and to lectures on time
(i actually slept through one of my psychology exams in the first year-and i wonder why i was kicked out of uni-what a douche)

i guess my thinking for the day is, when does it all kick in? this growing up stuff? is it when you stop going out at the weekends? is it when you have kids? do you have to stop pulling faces and doing impressions or get some kind of responsible job to be an 'adult'?
what does that even mean anyway?
there does seem to be a weird gap in my generation. my parents got married when they were in their early 20's and then had me and my big brother jimmy when they where mid 20s.
who does that anymore? not many of us it seems these days.
i was engaged in my mid 20's but i just, couldn't quite bring myself to do it...just yet. and i made the decision to call it off. it was hard but i knew it was the right thing.
maybe that's what being an adult is about. knowing when you've made the right choices and maybe knowing when to let go of the bad ones you've made and move on.

ahhhhh who knows. it's all a load of bollocks really innit?
for now, i'm just happy making the bear laugh by dancing around in my pants, talking in stupid voices to buddy and trying to get away with as much as possible while doing as little as possible.
i guess i may get older but i'll probably never grow up and for now, that's fine by me.

anyways, here's the boss, sticking it to the man as usual.